Have you ever felt in your life that you are living someone else’s dream. Like every step you take is shadowed by an invisible checklist. One you never created but somehow feel obligated to follow? This is the weight of unspoken expectations, an invisible burden that shapes how we think, act, and define our lives.
From the very beginning, the shadow of parental influence looms over us. It stays with us, shaping the trajectory of our lives. Consider something as simple yet profound as naming. When a child is born, parents choose a name that often reflects their aspirations or cultural ideals. My own name, Abu Bakar Ahmad, was inspired by the first caliph of Islam, Hazrat Abu Bakar Siddiq. This, in itself, became the first unspoken expectation, a hope that I would embody his virtues and legacy. And so, expectations began to accumulate, gradually molding my personality without my conscious consent.
Our society also plays a pivotal role in shaping our professional paths. Let’s start at home. Many parents decide their children’s future careers long before the children can even dream for themselves. Through constant lectures and subtle reinforcement, they plant a seed in our minds, a seed of expectation that takes root and grows into a mental framework we feel compelled to follow. This framework creates pressure on our consciousness, confining us within the boundaries of what is deemed acceptable. Parents entrap us between their expectations.
Beyond the family, societal norms impose their own expectations. In every part of the world, there are social values and traditions we are expected to uphold. We carry these norms with us wherever we go. Failing to adhere to them often leads to alienation or judgment. These unspoken expectations become a kind of mandate, dictating how we should think, behave, and even dream.
People act like it is a privilege, offering guidance and a sense of purpose, but it becomes a burden most of the time. They push us into conformity, suppressing our individuality and potential. For example, I have a friend who is extraordinarily talented and has a unique perspective on life. However, at a young age, he was sent to a local madrasa and became a hafiz of the Quran. At just 15, he was too young to fully understand the complexities of life, yet he was confined within a societal framework designed for hafiz-e-Quran. He became a model follower of that framework, not because of explicit rules but due to unspoken expectations imposed upon him.
Unspoken expectations shape our lives in ways we often don’t notice. While they can guide us, they also hold us back, stopping us from becoming who we truly are. Breaking free from these invisible rules takes courage. The courage to ask questions, think differently, and follow our own paths.
A better world is one where people are free to be themselves, where everyone’s unique ideas and abilities are valued. When we let go of expectations that don’t fit us, we not only find our true selves but also add something special to the world.
Life is meant to be full of possibilities and differences. By choosing to be ourselves, we embrace the beauty of being human and create a life that’s truly our own.
Abu Bakar Ahmad
01/12/2024
When we let go of expectations that don’t fit us, we not only find our true selves but also add something special to the world.
That was it.
If someone wants to do something, he should let go what others are saying.
Exactly. it become burden more than a privilege.
A deeply moving reflection on how silent expectations shape our lives. Your message about reclaiming individuality is powerful and truly inspiring.
I appreciate. It is good, you agree.